Simple Me

Go

2011-12-20T12:22:00.000-08:00

Just before my last post (I know...9 months ago) some things in my life sort of turned upside down. I feel like I've sort of emotionally been in a holding pattern since. I've let myself "go there" several times when I'm all by myself but overall just wanting to get by. I know it's not the greatest way to live and I'm trying to take some steps to get out of that mentality but it's hard. For others that 100% get that statement please let me encourage you - talk to someone. Just "working through things on my own" is not going to cut it. You need someone other than yourself to roll around your thoughts and ideas with. For real. Find a counselor. I know the first response anyone tells me is "ha..I can't pay for that." but let me tell you that you truly can't afford NOT to. It IS worth it. It IS different than just talking with a friend. And it WILL help you make sure you're on the right path. You're not necessarily going in to pour out all your deep dark feelings and bring out every skeleton in your closet. At times it might be necessary to trudge through some of that. Especially if it directly ties to whatever it is that is going on inside you. But you're likely not going to come out of your first or second meeting with a counselor crying uncontrollably or comatose and needing to be committed. If you can afford your $100 Steve Madden boots or your "splurge" at Banana Republic you can afford to see a counselor. (and just a hint...if you truly ARE in financial need (i.e. I-cannot-pay-my-bills-every-month-even-though-i-am-very-detailed-with-my-money-and-i-know-where-every-penny-goes-and-it-doesn't-go-to-Starbucks-or-the-mall) then a counselor's office will probably work with you on the money part of it.

If you're in the Birmingham, AL area, here are some options for you:

WellSpring Counseling Services

Covenant Counseling Services

Mark Means Counseling

(I am not endorsing these. They're just ones I know about in this area.)

OK. Go see someone.

2011-03-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

I was 39 weeks pregnant with Emma. It was spring break for Ryan and the kids. We had let them go to his parents’ for the weekend so they could have a fun start to their spring break when we got the call – my grandmother had had a stroke. No one knew the prognosis and the longing in me was far greater than the longing to be sure and stay put in case Emma decided to make an early arrival. I had traveled an hour away to see my doctor on an emergency appointment and she deemed the baby not going anywhere so much that she said I could get on a plane if I wanted. But I needed the 9 hour drive with my husband. I needed him by my side these days. And I needed to process for 9 hours. That’s just how I work.

She’s been a woman, to many, that has loved unconditionally her children, her grandchildren, her neighbors, her church, people from other countries. She’s been a model of Christ and His love to so many that I’m sure there’s no way to count. She’s been the hero of my life and will just never know the enormous impact that she made on me. I have always hoped (and still do) to be like her “when I grow up”.

One of the hardest parts of death is that you don’t often get to say goodbye. There’s always something left unsaid. Feelings or apologies or something that you didn’t get to share. Not the case with her. I had said everything I needed to her a few years ago. There was no doubt how I felt about her and how she felt about me. There were no “I’m sorry”s to exchange. There were no “I wish I had told you this earlier” to be said. God had provided that opportunity already. The only thing we had never said to each other was “goodbye”.

I was super anxious that Wednesday morning. I wanted to spend the night the night before but my aunt and dad wouldn’t let me because I was 5 days from my due date and they wanted me to rest. She would have wanted that too. So I came as early as I could that morning. Around 8am. I talked about anything I could. I read her scripture from Psalm 87 and 88. I shared with only her the names we were considering for the baby and what I thought the baby was going to be. I sang to her while I played Beauty Parlor like we did when I was little. I brushed her hair and massaged her head. I massaged her feet and hands. I put chap stick on her dry, parched lips. All of her favorite things that I didn’t want to miss doing one last time. After a couple of hours the time came. I couldn’t speak. My husband at my side, could see the anguish on my face and, knowing that these were my final moments with her, asked everyone in the room if they could leave she and I alone for a few minutes. He even left. As I grabbed her hand I didn’t feel compelled to go back through all the things I said before. I know she knew them. But I told her how much and how deeply I loved her. I thanked her for being a person of stability to me and for always loving me so deeply. The other things I said were such a blur but one thing was not – her response. Even in her inability to speak or move, she made it clear that she was fully aware of my presence and she knew I was trying my best to not have to say goodbye. Each time I was with her, she prayed upon our departure. Since she couldn’t I told her that I would. So I prayed a prayer of thankfulness. A prayer of gratefulness. A prayer of protection. A prayer for His will (which was by far the most difficult part). I prayed for things that I knew she would pray for and then other things that I would have. It was the most bittersweet and most difficult prayer that I think I’ve ever prayed. I noticed at the end that my husband was back in the room. I leaned to hug her and he helped her to me as well. And while she couldn’t talk – she did. And tears streamed down her cheeks just as they were doing mine.

That was the last time I saw or spoke to my grandmother. She passed away at home 3 days later on Saturday. Emma made her arrival safely on Monday morning.

I still grieve because I just miss her so. I don’t feel like I missed saying anything. My times with her were so precious. They still are. She knew how I felt about her. She knew how much I loved her. She knew….but I just miss her. I miss her laugh. I miss her voice. I miss her hugs. I miss everything about her. And I very selfishly still wish she were here.

Lisa Leonard is coming

2010-10-07T07:25:00.000-07:00

Lisa Leonard is coming to Birmingham next Friday! Here's more info...http://bit.ly/LisaLeonard

it's not about the music

2010-10-04T17:49:00.000-07:00

Need to move.
Need to fly.
Need to let my insides escape.
I hear it and every cell inside my body needs begins to move and I.just.can't.take.it.anymore.

I need to dance.

This is not just movement to music. This is not a "oh I love to dance,too and it's so much fun" or a "I used to be a dancer too" moment. You either are or you aren't. It's pretty simple. You can like it. But if you are one, then you can never stop being one. Some people can paint or sing or write or play an instrument and you can tell by watching them that it's not just something they know how to do nor is it something they just like to do. You can watch my friend Allen play the guitar and know that it comes from a depth within him that is not often understood. I had another friend years ago that was the same way on the drums. You can see it or hear it or read it or watch it and just know that it's different.

(sigh) soon. and I hope very soon.

2010-08-14T07:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gotten to the end of a chapter in a book or even at the end of that book and just stopped. You needed to absorb what you just read. What just happened. You've either done that because what you just read was so good or because something happened that just stunned you. You needed to sit and absorb it. Think about it. Not think about what would happen next. Just to sit and process what just happened. If you're at the start of another chapter, there might be a hope that there's more to come. Or...there might be grief that you don't want more to come. You wanted the story to stay just like it was. But you know there's more out there to be had. The story was so good that you were able to absorb yourself completely into it. You were a part of it. Those are just the best kind...the ones you get lost in and just can't put down. If that's the end of your book, then so be it. There's not hope for something more. All that was written was all that was intended. However, if it's the end of just a chapter, then the author - who knows the end - intends for you to keep reading. They know there's more to the story and they're not done telling it.

I'm at the end of a chapter in one of my life books. I finished it yesterday. Oh, it was such a good chapter. I got to watch it unfold from the roots and watch it grow and develop into something that was beautiful. Like a tree, it started off unsure of what was going to become of it and in the end, it developed thick, sturdy branches. Each branch connected at the core and - to one degree or another - provided shelter for so many others that just wanted to come a sit beneath it. (Sort of like "the old oak tree" at someone's childhood home.) There are many people that through the years have "read" the same chapter and felt the same way. It was a touching, deeply personal story that I was privileged to be a part of with many wonderful people. It wasn't just "fun" - it was meaningful. It was a chapter that connected with me at a level that many others just are not able to. But...it's over. I was at the end and as much as I didn't want it to end - it did and I couldn't stop it.

So...here I sit at the end of my chapter. Right now, I'm just absorbing. I'll be honest that I'm not ready to move on. I know the Author of my book intends for me to but He and I have talked and He knows that I just need a little time to process. (I'm so glad that He knows that about me.) I don't know what the next chapter holds and right now, I don't want to know. But I'll be forced to start reading here in just a day or two so I'd better get ready quick. I "overheard" a Facebook conversation yesterday that was good for me to hear. Someone said "Every new transition leads us to places we never expected. Walk in confidence." They are right. And although I'm still not able to say that I'm ready for the transition. I will walk in confidence because He walks with me.

reevaluation at it's strongest

2010-07-21T13:31:00.000-07:00

Over the last few years at work, many things have changed. Some directly affect me, some don't.

Enter Summer 2009. My husband and I had completed the process to be considered for a domestic adoption through our state. Knowing the process would not be quick but thinking it wouldn't be a terribly long wait, we prayed and continued to press forward on our calling of adoption. By late Spring of 2009, we were anxious to say the least. We'd been waiting for a placement for almost 18 months and were just "done" with our state DHR process. After a few particularly lengthy and grueling conversations with our social workers, we felt (at least) better educated and ready to take charge of our own case all the while knowing that God's timing would be perfect for our newest child to enter our family.

Then I found out I was pregnant. I was so shocked. So shocked that it took 3 doctor's visits and an ultrasound to convince me of it's truth. Our daughter was born in March and to say she's been a blessing and perfectly timed would be an understatement. Within days of my daughter's birth, I had to say goodbye to my friend, my mentor, my hero and the most Christ-like woman I have ever known - my grandmother. It was unexpected and very difficult but filled with moments that only the Lord could provide in a time like that. Again, His perfect timing.

I have three amazing children now. Not that one or two didn't impact me enough but there has been so much that has been different in me since I learned I was pregnant with my third. So much the Lord has taught me. So much more that is waiting in the wings. Everything about my pregnancy with her (emotionally) and on has been different. Processed so different...

I have learned more about my grandmother's life and continued legacy since her death. She impacts me more everyday as if she were still here on earth.

More change at work has come and more change is coming.

To say that the Lord has put me in a time of re-evaluation of myself is probably an understatement. He's causing me to really dig deep into the depths of me in search of something and I'm not quite positive at times what that is.

What kind of wife and mom am I now and what kind of wife and mom am I supposed to be?
What kinds of gifts (tapped and untapped) are in me? What has He given me that I'm using and that I'm not using?
Why are there things that I'm not using?
Where do I underestimated myself?
How am I supposed to use all this stuff?
What is the way that I can honor the Lord the most?

I don't know is an answer that I keep coming back to. Over the last year, God has taught me to be ok with the "I don't knows" because it meant that He was in control and that I was trusting Him. Oh, how I'm trying, Lord. It's His plan. His purpose. His people.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
(Is 43:1-3)

I'm not sure how to say it better than this but that this is all really strong in me right now. It's a driving force - as it should be. It's just more than normal in a way I can't really describe other than what I already have. My prayer is that at the end of this particular rope in my life, I can say that truth was revealed and that I've honored Him.

random thoughts from the air

2010-06-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

So I was flying to St. Louis not long ago and had some quite random thoughts as I was on the way...

Why have we never seen an African-American Bachelor? (note that I don't even watch the show)

Poor baby across the terminal is wearing an outfit with what looks like an Elizabethan collar (yellow) on top of a ht-pink bib made of feathers. The rest of the outfit was green. For real.

The mom of said baby was not dressed to be flying with an infant. Shorts, billowing, see-through shirt, high-wedge heels and lots-o-bracelets. Whew!

Wondering if other people look and laugh at me like I do at them. :)

No preboard for mommies with infants anymore on Southwest. Not cool.

Emma, please oh please don't wake up. Don't know if I can muster the courage to feed you in public.

Oh crud...135 of 137 seats are occupied.

Hope that man across the aisle still thinks my baby is "sweet" when she's fired up and ready to eat.

2010-04-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

A fresh wave of grief hit me yesterday morning. A friend is going through a similar experience and as she briefly shared with me about her grandmother, I couldn't help but remember mine. As I listened, I realized that I was really fighting back my own emotions and putting myself into a corner of our conversation that was hopefully as far from myself as I could be. However, once the conversation was over, it was more difficult to do that. Everything reminded me of Grandma. Unable to hold them back anymore, I left my friend with hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I tried to swallow them away but I couldn't. When I got home, I sat and just cried as I remembered...

The sound of the entrance doors in her house opening and closing. We would get in trouble for not keeping them closed because she was always afraid that the "little ones" would fall down the stairs on the other side.

Her face as you walked through those doors. Never without a smile and already open arms to hug you as you walked in. (That's if she wasn't already outside to meet you.) She'd grab hold of me and pull me in to kiss me on the cheek.

The sound of the oven as it opened when she was making breakfast for us in the mornings. It was the sound that I always remember hearing first when I woke up. The next thing you got to hear was her warm "well, good morning!"

A box fan that she would put in the window on the stairway landing. Hot summer nights meant no sleeping upstairs because it was too hot. The fan helped and the sound always put me to sleep.

The sound of the old floors and bedroom doorknobs as they rattled and creaked and told everyone in the house that you were awake.

Lots of sounds...sounds that I can hear now as clearly as if I were with her at her house. Sounds that I pray I never forget because they are sounds of love and comfort and...home.

I've not let myself think about this much over the last few weeks. Luckily, the Lord has provided a great little distraction for me. However, even she is not enough sometimes to really make me ignore reality. I look at E's sweet face and hands and wish that I could share her with Grandma. Wish that E could also know what it felt like to have Grandma's kiss on her cheeks. To know her voice as she sangs songs or read books. To squeeze play dough between their fingers together. Or just to hold hands and walk around the yard together eventually ending up on the swing just enjoying each other.

Memories. Ones that invade my thoughts when I'm least suspecting it. Part of me doesn't want to deny their invasion because I love thinking about her and remembering who she was to me and to our family. The other part of me fights it because I'm mad that I won't have more of them to think about.

2010-03-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

We constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 12We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 Thess 1:11-12

I'm not sure that the powerful lesson of trusting in the Lord has been more clear to me than in the last two weeks. The way that He paved the way for me, at 39 weeks pregnant, to drive all the way to St. Louis for 3 days and not put anyone at risk was almost unfathomable to me. Only He could have stopped me from going but only He could have given me permission as well. I would listen to no one else. No even by my own power. My heart was already ripped to shreds when I heard that my grandmother had a stroke. The rest of me was torn in two. The mom in me that would never put her child in jeopardy. That would never want to lead my family into an uncertain situation. The grandchild in me that desperately wanted to be at the side of my grandmother for just 5 minutes to tell what I've said a thousand times but, this week, just didn't seem like I'd told her enough. I had to be able to say it once more. I wanted to hold her hand. To kiss her cheek. To just be with her - even saying nothing. To pray with her one last time. Many of these things were for me. Very selfish, I admit. But she knew I was there. And, to be honest, I know how much my grandmother loved me to know that she was glad to see me. And I know how much she loved me that she didn't want me to leave. We talked. We prayed. We never said "goodbye". She never would say that to me. She always said that she didn't like goodbye so she would just tell me how much she loved me.

I'm back home and have been grateful for the distractions of life over the last two days. Never so much have I needed work. Never so much have I wanted TV. When it gets quiet, I get lost in the toxicity of my own thoughts...not always good. She has not passed yet and every time my phone rings or dings from a text, I wonder if the time has come. I need to not be filled with the anxiety of that moment but I can't deny that it's there. I know where she's headed and, honestly, I want her there more than here in the state that she's in. My cousin put it well yesterday - this is about my own grief. She's lived a wonderful, full life. She has an amazing family. She's had an amazing faith. She's probably the single most Christlike example to me of anyone. Talk about bringing forth fruit....wow. She was a woman of prayer and hospitality. Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouth...yes, that was her too. I know the Lord has a special plan for who I will become but I sure hope it looks a lot like her. But I'm selfishly struggling with this. I'm not alone, I know. My family is a big one (she had 7 kids) and I know I'm not the only one grieving. I wish I were still there. I wish that I could grieve with them.

When I'm able to return, I will have a sweet, new precious life with me - on the outside. One that I wish I could have introduced her too. That she would have read books to or played playdough with or would have scooped up and kissed on the cheeks. She would have walked the yard and sat on the swing with them and blown bubbles with them. My return to St. Louis will be so bittersweet. A celebration of life. A life well lived and a life well given. All the while holding new life and wondering what the Lord will mold it into.

trusting in the "I don't know" moments

2010-02-24T15:06:00.000-08:00

September 24 I sent the following message to a select group of people to announce a very unexpected blessing in the life of our family:

I always feel like we should truly expect God to do great things but then - when it's a great thing that we're not expecting - we're surprised at what He did. Does that make any sense? Not sure if it does or not to you but in the last few months, there hasn't been much that's made sense to me. As you know, Ryan and I have been in the adoption process for a very long time to no avail. For whatever reason, the Lord has not allowed anything to happen. There has been much I have learned along the way regarding adoption and much I have learned especially in the last few months....many things I wish I had known 8-9 months ago when we were approved. I feel like things would be different. At the same time, I fully trust that the Lord is in control and know His timing to be perfect. I do not understand how that will happen but the only real peace I have found in the process is by trusting Him and continuing to do so. So I will. That said, it should be no surprise to me when the Lord brings something very unexpected out of the woodwork....like a child. Only this one isn't through adoption. We're pregnant. Yes, you read that right. We're having a baby in March! We're not putting anything with the adoption process on hold at this point but we do have our limits and we are prepared to pause it for a time while we welcome this unexpected little blessing into our family. If you ask me anything about this, my answer will likely be "I don't know" because I just don't. I'm still very much reeling in the shock of how God is moving but fully trust that the Lord has His purpose for our family and, clearly, this is part of it. We are excited. The kids are excited. So far, everything is going just as it should be.

Please be praying for us as we walk through this and see how the Lord will continue to work in our family

So where am I now? How have the last several months been?

It's been a journey.

I'm pretty close to my due date and I'm still having to answer questions with "I don't know". Primarily, they are my own questions but they're still out there. I have often been asked by others "So are you still going to adopt?" YES. There was never a question about that. I apologize if you've been one of those people and I've looked at you weird or taken a few days to email you back. I have to be careful not to consider the question utterly ridiculous to be honest. I know there are many families that adopt (or at least start the adoption process) because they are unable to have children biologically. Our desire to adopt came long before we ever had children because we believe it was something God had in store for our family. A child is a child. It doesn't matter where they come from, what they look like, what language they speak, etc. No one asks to be born but the Lord creates them for His purpose. If their biological family is unable to help them see what that purpose is, then that's what He provides adoptive families for. For our family it is a calling from the Lord. (I mean, good grief, for my husband, it was a condition of marriage. If he wasn't in the same place on that subject, he may not have been Mr. Right for me.) But not everyone sees it that way and I'm trying to remember that.

We "paused" our adoption at the end of 2009 in order to get ready for the baby's arrival in March. We also said that we would keep that "pause" until 4-6 months after the baby was here. We still feel like that was the best decision for our family. To an outsider, it also makes sense and probably doesn't seem like a big deal. It's huge to me. In no way does the "pause" on the outside remove the depth of my longing on the inside. I know, I know - I'm about to have a baby. An incredible blessing from God that I would have never imagined He would give us. I honestly would not have thought to even ask Him for such a gift. I truly mean those statements regardless of how somber all of this sounds. I truly am so grateful for the opportunity to be given such a gift and I am VERY excited about what this new life will be.

BUT.

It does not replace the place in my heart that God reserved for others whom I have not met and know nothing about other than that they belong to my family. I do not take lightly the struggle and heartache of conception that many around me have had to endure. I wish that on no one and am grateful that the Lord has not asked me to walk that journey. However, part of me has wondered if this is what it feels like. Don't they walk around with an empty place inside them that desperately longs for a child? Don't they wonder and get mad at why the Lord would not allow them to have a child (or have more children)? Don't they get frustrated by the questions from others "when do you want..." "are you..." "do you still..." "doesn't so-and-so need a baby brother/sister"? They are surrounded by people who don't understand. I'm not saying that I do because I haven't been in that place - but I'm in my own where I've wondered if this is similar to what they are dealing with. And, honestly, even if they are unable to conceive and they turn to adoption, don't some of them still struggle with the longing inside to have a biological child? (Remember that I say all of this very carefully and am not trying to make light of a difficult situation many of my close friends have had to deal with. Trust me.) I'm sort of there. I am so incredibly grateful for my kids. Wow...they are truly amazing and they make me a better person for sure. I would not trade them for anything and if the Lord came along and said "Ok, you're done" I would be disappointed that I wasn't allowed more because who wouldn't want more of what I have!! But I am in that place still of longing. I don't feel like the Lord has shut the door and said "ok, no more" so that keeps the hope inside that I can't ignore and that I want to run toward. I feel like I'm constantly asking Him "What are you doing here, Lord?" and He's still not fully answering. For the most part, I'm ok with that. It's the Lord. Hello - I don't really deserve an answer! I'm still just trusting in the "I don't know" but I don't and it's not time to give up. My kids need me not to give up. And I can at least continue to give them that even in the middle of my "I don't know"s.

Our house...

2010-02-22T14:23:00.000-08:00

Peter Pan.

Captain Hook.

A brown unicorn with a horn that no one can see that turns into a human when she fights.

Everyone has a sword and shield.

Captain Hook fights Peter Pan on the pirate ship and tries to storm the unicorn's castle only to find that that there's a force field surrounding it.

Captain Hook then decides he's afraid of being downstairs (due to the mythical creatures and force fields) so he decided to come talk to the Queen Mum.

2010-02-10T16:01:00.000-08:00

I sit to write but nothing comes out
Such a jumble of words in my head
I have so much to say but am afraid to speak
So I just ponder quietly instead

And one day it will come and well up within me -
The courage to just blurt it all out.
Until then I'll try to just speak it out loud
While letting the Spirit erase all my doubt.

Sometimes...

2009-12-18T20:31:00.000-08:00

I would just rather not know. The moments that I really wish the Lord would prevent my eyes from seeing. I'm sure He does that WAY more than I'm aware of but it doesn't make my vulnerability any easier to deal with.

So now I comfortably sit by the fire and try to not think about it. I try to remember His reasons and His promises and His timing and His purposes. I try not to think and I try to keep praying instead. Someday I will not see but experience instead. Someday....because I know He wants that for me.

Home of the Fighting Bumblebees

2009-10-02T20:34:00.000-07:00

The kids and I went with Ryan tonight to his school's homecoming game. It was a sight to see - I tell ya. Since I know squat about football, I always have more fun people-watching. Here were a few choice moments from the night: (Obviously, i would love to post a few pictures here but taking them without being noticed would not have been possible. Allow me to paint a picture or two.)

1. The girl with the TIGHT hot pink jeans, TIGHT and very low-cut purple shirt and matching shiny "patent-leather-ish" purple high heels.

2. The fake hair that each girl in the dance team for the home team wore over the bun in their hair. It was the match-your-hair-color, super curly looks-like-you-spent-hours-with-a-curling-iron-in-it kind of hair piece. Except some of the hair colors didn't match their real hair. It was supposed to look cute and from the field you couldn't tell, but they were only on the field for about 15 minutes out of the game...

3. The hair of the other team's dance team. Wow. It all was the exact same length, exact same texture, exact same...um...poof/afro-ish style, you couldn't miss it. It was almost a foot in diameter - no lie. Hmm...wonder if that was fake too?

4. The number of girls that had babies on their hips. (Careful, I'm naming no race here for a purpose...they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and backgrounds.)

5. The poor senior cheerleader girl (that I think was the captain) that just looked absolutely "too cool" or "too bored" for her own good as she stood in the middle of the squad tonight and attempted to cheer. Be excited!!! It's your senior year homecoming game!! You're not getting it back!

6. The 23-year-old head varsity basketball coach that I couldn't pick out of a crowd of sophomores if I had to. Not just because he didn't look old enough in the face but because he didn't even dress to fit the part.

7. The halftime announcer that was clearly ecstatic about announcing the 20 (yes I said 20) people that were on the homecoming court.

8. The other announcer that had such a thick Alabama accent that I couldn't even understand him. I did finally figure out that he was saying "Falcons" (the other team) and not "Fackins". Took me the whole second quarter to decipher that one.

I'm glad we went. Don't get me wrong. There are so many oddities that don't make sense on how things are done here for homecoming but "to each his own". I just know what it was like where I come from. I know what would be different if I were in charge. But I'm not. So I'll just keep those things to myself until I am (if that ever happens). :)

Until then, I'll just enjoy the people watching.

Thoughts from the last 3 days

2009-10-02T20:19:00.001-07:00

1. Even after 17 years, I don't like the flu and am glad I don't have to deal with it or it's shot every year.

2. My neighbor could pass for the Barefoot Contessa lady. They're so much alike...wow.

3. There are 76,824 episodes of some kind of Law & Order and the pretty much run back-to-back on some channel at any point in the day. When it goes off of one, just flip up a couple of channels and another will just be coming on. It's never the same one twice either.

4. TV can truly steal your whole day away which is why we don't watch much of it. However, when we're sick, all rules are changed and you can watch however much you want - even if it's too much.

5. My son likes TV entirely too much.

6. I'm a wimp when I'm sick. I still wish that my mom were here to take care of me. She'll wait on me hand and foot and requires no entertainment value from me nor does she expect me to be even grateful for her efforts (even though I very much would be).

7. Too much hot tea can give me a tummy ache but it's just so good....

8. I love, love, love this time of year with all my windows and doors open and the breeze coming in and the sun pouring in saying "hello!"

9. My bed is the most comfortable place in the world.

10. My husband does not like it when I'm sick.

it's one of those days

2009-09-22T15:31:00.001-07:00

I'm in a funk.

Laziness.

Can you say unmotivated?

It's just one of those days. The day you get up and, as you're getting dressed for work, all you want to do is put away the iron and cute, dressy shoes and just wear jeans and a t-shirt. A day that you really should spend by yourself because, let's be honest, these are not good days to be social. A day that you find it hard to be patient or graceful because of someone else's funk...or laziness...or lack of motivation. It's basically a day that you don't want to put up with yourself.

The problem is that I don't really have a choice to be social or not. I can try to stay out of things as much as I can but I just can't. It has to do with the other part of me on these days that is graceful and merciful and patient (sort of) deep down and that wants to be social because I know it's good for me to suck it up and be "a big girl" about things and realize that no matter how much I want something it's not what God intended for me to be. He didn't create me to be a grump. He didn't create me for laziness. He didn't create me to want to wallow in my lack of motivation.

Psalm 51:5-7

⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.⁶ Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Interesting....in my inmost places He teaches me wisdom. He desires truth in the inner parts of me. So convicting and comforting all at the same time because that's what I received.

"Tanya, get up and deal with it."

"It's not about you."

"Go _____ and talk to ______." (by the way it was just to say "hi". But I did it.)

These are the days that I always seem to be meeting someone new that doesn't know much, if anything, about me and I know it's a "divine appointment".

I'm still fighting it this afternoon. It didn't go away. It's a battle inside me to fight the desires of my flesh to honor the desires of the Spirit. But it seems to come down to perspective. I don't like it when my kids whine about what seems like everything and - let's be honest - when it comes down to it, I'm just in a whiny mood. So I need to snap out of it.

Hebrews 12:1-3 (my emphasis)
¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. ³Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I think I'll go put my running clothes on.

A night to remember...

2009-06-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

She's almost seven.

She asked me to snuggle with her tonight as she went to sleep. I wrapped my arms around her and laid with her. As she fell into dreamland, I couldn't help but go back to the night before (and morning) she was born. So many things raced through my mind.

I was a week overdue and I was SO excited.
I knew it was a girl from the moment that I found out I was pregnant. I also had known what her name was long before that.
I had such a great pregnancy.
I checked into the hospital the night before they would induce me to be "prepped" for it. The nurse said "we'll see how you're doing in the morning and whether you'll stay or go home." I said, " No ma'am. I'm a week overdue and my doctor said I was having this baby tomorrow. I'm NOT going home."
I was in labor shortly after that and didn't know it. They had given me something to sleep b/c I had never been in the hospital before and they wanted to make sure I rested well.
My water broke in the middle of the night. It didn't take long for me to definitely know that I was in labor.
I slept through most of my labor due to a wonderful combination of a sleeping pill and an epidural. Ryan had to wake me up to push. :)
I will never forget the first moment that I laid eyes on her. It's a picture forever etched in my mind. The doctor laid her on my chest. It was AMAZING.
I remember her very first visitor. Don't remember his name. (surprise) :) But won't ever forget his face.
I remember how soft her skin was. How sweet she smelled. I remember just staring. Her hands...her fingers (everyone said "she'll be a piano player" except Ryan. He said "she'll play basketball".)
You could tell her eyes would be blue from the first day.
I wondered what she would be like. I had no idea...

I really like where I work

2009-06-23T21:26:00.000-07:00

because I get to be a part of things like this...

COMPASSION HAITI - STUDENT LIFE ORANGE BEACH from Taylor Robinson on Vimeo.

Things I'm so thankful for today...

2009-04-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

1. All the windows are open (a triumph for my old house). The breeze is constant. The birds are chirping. I'm the only one home. :)

2. The dedication to the Lord of a child long prayed for.

3. A morning with no drama.

4. Staying up all hours of the night talking, giggling and watching TV with the hubby. It's like we were teenagers.

5. New mercy and grace today.

this ranks high on the funny list too...

2008-12-15T19:47:00.000-08:00

If you're a mom - you'll be fine reading this. If you're not - just know it includes bodily fluids. :)

A little context...new parents...the baby is only a couple of weeks old...

http://thewetree.blogspot.com/2008/12/not-for-faint-of-heart.html

This might be one of the funniest things I've read in a long time....

2008-12-09T19:33:00.000-08:00

and I thought I would share. I hope my friend doesn't mind!

http://andyblanks.com/2008/12/09/pop-culture-soup

My friend says it well...

2008-11-06T20:20:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of "wise encouragement" floating around. I've read a few blogs that speak some practical wisdom into what can, at times, be a fanatical world. A friend posted this on his blog today. Thought I would share.

-----------------------------------------------------

There are so many things that I want to say about this past election, and it has nothing to do with the outcome. But I have allowed my self to stay calm, not point fingers, and not attack people.

Just now, while collecting my thoughts about what to write, I realized that I probably shouldn't just go off. So instead I've decided to speak to everyone the way I want them to speak to me. So read carefully.
****
You are all very smart. I'm so glad you decided to get involved in this years historic election. If you voted for McCain - good for you - I'm sure your convictions and beliefs lead you to vote that way. If you voted for Obama - good for you - I'm sure your convictions and beliefs lead you to vote the way you did. I'm not going to assume why you voted the way you did, it's your right. There are alot of things out there in this world that are important to alot of people - I cannot expect for what's important to me to be as important to you. I congradulate Mr. Obama and his campaign team for a job well done - cause quite honestly they took it too McCain.
****
There I'm done....

But so help me - if I hear another McCain supporter say to vote for Obama is to betray the faith - or if I hear another Obama supporter say McCain supporters are bumbling-hill billy-idiots I'm gonna.......Calm...

People voted for who they thought would be best. Some of you cling to the abortion subject, some of you are interested in the war, some of you gun control, some the economy, some foriegn policy, some race (I don't know). None the less, you've got your "thing."

My father used to always say, and I repeat "Don't ever assume." Please don't assume. McCain supporters are not necessarily money hungry racist who hate black people, AND Obama supporters aren't necessarily abortion supporting baby killers. Just be happy you got to vote. Be happy everybody got to vote.

----------------------------------

Bullets

2008-11-03T20:45:00.001-08:00

My kids are sleeping in their beds for the first time in over a week. I will be sleeping on the couch for the first time ever. Jack wet my bed last night. :)
My husband is still "living" in the other house. It has not been a fun-filled 8 days and doesn't prove to be a fun-filled week. There is a contract on the house (which we are extremely grateful for) but we won't close until later this week (which we continue to be frustrated by).
I'm ready for the election to be over. Just ready to not see/ hear campaigning all the time. Give me something happy to listen to!
The amount of paper that my daughter comes home with everyday from school could save a forest over the course of a year.
I steam cleaned the carpet at the other house tonight. Wow - it was pretty! I think I'll do the house I live in next.
My in-laws are so generous and servant-hearted. I'm so thankful for them and I don't tell them often enough. Just really great people. Glad I can call them mine. :)
It's "peak week" outside. Has anyone else noticed? Despite the stress surrounding us right now, I can always count on the trees to make me smile. (There is a certain row of them on the way to school that are a beautiful, deep shade of red. Amazing.) It's my favorite week out of the year and the reason that I decided to stay in Alabama 11 years ago.
No new updates on our adoption. Still waiting.

2008-10-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

I'm so done with partisan politics. I don't give a rip if you are a Democrat, a Republican, Green party or Independent. Good grief people. Stop throwing stones. I know it sounds so cliche but can we not ALL just get along???!!! We're all just trying to do what's best for the country. Does it really matter what side of the isle something came from if it's just a flat out good decision? whew.

You know you have a lot of laundry when...

2008-09-24T04:24:00.000-07:00

you're 6-year-old asks you, "Mommy, how high does the laundry have to be before you will put it in the washer?"

Wow...it's been awhile

2008-09-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow would be officially 2 months since a post. Wow. Once again, hundreds of unwritten posts have floated around my head never making it out into blogland. Here's a few things that I would have written about if I had been able to stay awake and unbusy enough to write:

1. We went to Disney this summer. Did I mention that? No. Why? I'm lazy. So...guess what??? WE WENT TO DISNEY!!!! Back in July. It was kind of a random thing that happened. Basically, someone gave us a place to stay for 7 days and then we decided to be good American citizens and put our rebate back into the economy. :) It was AWESOME. The highlights? For Jack - meeting Buzz and Woody of course. If you ask him about it, meeting Buzz and Woody are all he talks about. For Hope - she'll tell you how three princesses snuck into our condo (not on Disney campus and 4 miles away) and left her some beautiful princess pajamas (along with Buzz and Woody that left Jack Toy Story jammies). This happened on our first night as we were unloading the car. How in the world did we miss them???? Cinderella confessed when she met Hope so we know that it really did happen. Ahh, the magic of Disney. :) For Ryan and I, it was a week of no cell phones, a million pictures and money well spent. We totally see how people get swept up and visit every year. It really was amazing.

2. I've discovered a new ice cream - Publix brand Lemon Sugar Cookie. It's even low-fat. It's amazing.

3. After 5 years of praying and waiting, I have finally been able to cut back my hours at work and be home a little more. The stress is still on a work but I just cannot believe the difference it's made at home after just two weeks. Wow. Hmmm...no more dinners at 7 or 7:30. No more anxiousness because I'm so spent by the time I get home that I (literally) can't remember the things that I need to take care of until the next morning - when I don't have time to take care of them. (Lists don't help.) No more going home in the fall in the dark. When the time change comes, I'll still be able to leave in the daylight. Ryan even made a comment about how good of a mood I've been in over the last several days. He noticed that big of a difference? That should tell you something right there.

4. So another big announcement. Some don't know it yet but we're adopting!! We're really excited that the time has come to pursue this. We've prayed and talked about this for years. The first question people ask me is "where from"? Here. Domestic adoption. Don't know the age. Anywhere from 0-6. Our homestudy is almost complete and should be sent to the state within the next two weeks. It takes a month for approval at the state office. Then...we wait for a referral. That's about it right now. I'm excited and ready that God is adding to our family in this way!

5. I have a pretty large extended family from my dad's side. He's one of seven and there's 30+ grandchildren for my amazing grandmother from all of them. Despite our size and our geography (we're all over the place), we're pretty close. My dad's next oldest brother has been dealing with a very rare form of cancer for the last couple of years and about a month ago, he took a nose dive one day (literally) and we thought he wasn't going to make it. He did (thankfully) and is back home being cared for by my aunt and hospice until the Lord calls him home. He's truly an amazing man of God with integrity, strength and the kind of relationship with the Lord that I hope my kids have one day. This is the first stroke of death that is before our family in 30 years and I'm really struggling with it. Please be in prayer for me. His death (as many do) will have impacts that none other could have. Some affect me almost directly. Too much there to elaborate on but I am confident in the Lord's decision even thought it is far from what I would have chosen. Please, please be in prayer for him as well. I just pray that when it's time, it would not drag out. He's very mentally, emotionally, spiritually aware and alert. He can easily interact in that way. Physically - it's quite a struggle. I just don't want him to have to deal with that any longer than necessary. I pray the Lord will sustain him until it's time. His complete healing is not far away...

6. I'll leave on a happy note that shows one of my favorite recents pics of two of my favorite people....

Bullets of the day

2008-07-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

1. As we drove to and from Atlanta this weekend, we noticed that Lake Logan Martin actually has water in it these days.
2. My grass is dying.
3. My kids are at their grandparent's house this week. both of them. No kids. Did you hear me? Of course you did - there's no one here to drown me out.
4. We stopped at a gas station today on the way home from Atlanta and I found myself just standing there, not doing anything. I didn't know what to do. My mommy radar is off and I didn't have to chase after anyone and say "no" to fifteen different kinds of candy. I just stood there.
5. My garden is dying.
6. Our visit with family was really good this weekend. Ryan's brother had the whole weekend off and we actually got to spend some time with them. Great food. Lots of room for the kids to play. Lots of box fans (that made Ryan really happy). His brother has also just finished a fort that looks like a castle. It's fantastic. As the four boys ran around waving wooden swords and shooting at the "enemy". Hope tip toed around as the castle's princess.
7. I'm going to go to Target all by myself in a few minutes. :)

2008-07-16T07:07:00.001-07:00

Things I am grateful for today (in no particular order):

1. Great friends and strawberry lemonade.
2. Finding old friends on Facebook.
3. When the Lord reminds that "the grand scheme" is so much bigger than I could imagine.
4. My alarm clock didn't go off this morning. I was supposed to work out at 5:30. I woke up at 7. :)
5. The beautiful, loving, make-me-laugh, talking-all-the-time, rival siblings that are my children. They drive me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't give them for anything.

Not all plastics are evil...

2008-06-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

With all the news coming out on plastics, it can make you feel like an awful parent. Sippy cups, kids' tableware, etc are all PLASTIC. Plastic is not evil mind you, but most of the world doesn't know the good from the bad (I know I don't) and we have to trust that companies are being honest with us. So it's sad to find out that some of them aren't and they're using not-so-good things to make their products with. That's what the BPA (a synthetic hormone) screams have been about because it has been recently linked to uterine & prostate cancers, premature development, as well as a number of other things. (BPA is commonly used in the indestructible water bottles that are out there. i.e., If you have an old Nalgene bottle - it's got BPA in it. Nalgene as recently started making their new bottles BPA-free.)

Well, I'm here to tell you that you can breathe a little easier if you were like me and almost not really wanting to know if your child's sippy cup was going to endanger their life later on. I guess I thought that if I just didn't acknowledge it, it would go away. Sorry, but it's true. It has nothing to do with how much I love my kids. but you know how as parents you can feel sometimes like you're doing everything wrong. This was just one more thing to add to the plate. Uuuggghhh!

SO! All of that to say that there was a GREAT article in Saturday's Bham news about the different kinds of plastics and which ones were safe and which ones weren't. There's an easy way to tell for most of what you're concerned about. Look for the recycle symbol on the bottom of your sippy cup or plastic water bottle or storage container, etc. If it has the number "7" on it - CHUNK IT. Sometimes seven is not a perfect number, I guess. Seven is the one with the BPA in it and you really want to avoid that. Up until about 15 minutes ago, we had 6 fantastic water bottles (that I used ALL the time). I checked them out this morning and -you guessed - "7" was on the bottom. I promptly threw them in the trash more annoyed that some company thought it was ok to use BPA than I was sad to lose them.

Just wanted to rest your minds. Not all plastic is evil. :) Just the ones with number "7".

P.S. If there's a way to scan the article and post it I will. (I just don't know if I will show up big enough on the blog.) If not, send me your email and I know I'll be able to send it to you later this week. It goes through numbers 1-7 in the recycle codes.

Lately

2008-05-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the lack of updates. Since Cmas, I've been learning to "slow down". Kind of had a few "whits-end" moments and felt myself turning back to my old ways. Can't do that. I've come too far to let that happen. So, sorry that you've not heard from me. As I've heard lots of you say, I have many "blog moments" but I just haven't been able to bring myself to sit and write. I wanted to - just couldn't. Sorry!
J is successfully potty trained. Whoo-hoo!! A few more bumps in the road than H's experience but all-in-all, I'm not complaining. It all happened on a whim and thanks to staying home with pink eye. (I mean, how many people can be thankful for that!
Sis is going to Italy on Tuesday. Sad for me. I want to go! Exciting for her though! I hope she has a fantastic time!!
We've taken another step toward expanding our fam over the last couple of weeks. 11 years of praying about it. We have just felt it was time. Please be praying about that for us. More to come..
LOST season finale is this week. I'm speechless. Can't wait. :)

ok. That wasn't much but my computer is going to die any moment now and I gotta get me and one of the munchkins to a "meeting". Hopefully, it won't be another 5 months before you hear more from me.

Help...

2008-03-15T16:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you who like to scrapbook out there...what can you tell me about digital scrapbooking?

I have HUNDREDS of photos that need to be in albums or something of the like. They're on my computer. (Love those digital cameras!!)

Help!!!

Upcoming Consignment Sales

2008-02-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

Just in case you like to frequent these....

Whale of a Sale (Vestavia UMC)
February 29, 2008

TNT Sale (Riverchase UMC, Hoover)
March 7-8, 2008

Kids Market & Mom (old Food World shopping center off Valleydale Rd.)
March 3-8, 2008

Bargains on the Bluff (Bluff Park UMC)
February 29-March 1, 2008

Lil' Lambs (Trinity UMC, Homewood)
March 7-8, 2008
*one of my personal favorites :)

New 2 You (The Church at Cahaba Bend, Helena)
February 22-23, 2008
*NEW!

Giggles & Grace (Asbury UMC)
March 28-29, 2008

Happy Shopping!!!

Isn't it sad...

2008-02-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

About three weeks ago, Jack came down with croup. We recovered from that and about a week last he came down with Pneumonia. We've had walking pneumonia before. For Jack, it was basically a cough that wouldn't go away for about 3 weeks. This was different. Coughing constantly, sleep in 10-minutes spurts from Wednesday to Saturday night and just the general "look" about him that he was miserable.

He had run low-grade fever for a couple of days. On that Thursday night, I took him to after-hours care (thank goodness for that place!). I had not meant to do that. I called the doctor's office to ask there was a cough medicine they could recommend that might help him get through the night and then come see them in the morning. (**Just to remind everyone that giving your child cough medicine is not going to hurt them if you follow directions. The mess in the news was primarily because parents were giving their kids too much medicine to "help" things along. Too much medicine is never good for anyone - especially a child!) After describing his symptoms, combined with his asthma, she wanted someone to listen to him and told me to go to after hours. So we went. Now, remember, he had only run low grade fever for the day and half that he had been sick. The issue was that he couldn't sleep because of the cough. Once we got called back, they weighed him and took him temperature. Poor Jack....they took it rectally. (I've always been an under the arm kind of gal.) I glanced over to see what the temp was reading and there it was....104. I sort of freaked out a little internally. Jack has NEVER run a temperature over 101.5. So 104! We immediately stripped him down, gave him more motrin and scooted off to see the doctor. After strep test, flu test and x-rays it turned out that he had pneumonia on the left side.

I decided from then out that I would not ever trust the "under the arm" reading on my thermometer again. I know the one I have works. I just don't trust that I'm doing it right anymore. No more fighting with a child that won't stay still long enough to take it while they're wiggling around. From that day on, it's taken the hospital way only. Sorry Jack.

That was almost two weeks ago. Isn't it sad that now, every time I change his diaper, he says to me "Mommy, I don't want to take my temperature." As if to remind me not to in case I was thinking about doing it just for the heck of it. Poor guy!

1 does not equal 2...

2008-02-02T14:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, whoever the marketing director is for LOST is not my favorite person this week. "Don't miss the 2-hour premiere that you've waited 8 months to watch." There was no 2-hour show - it was 1-hour. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining too much. I'm SO glad that it's finally back on! I was just really excited about watching a 2-hour kick off and it didn't happen.

I must say, I'm really intrigued and I like how they are now doing flash-forwards instead of flash-backs. It makes the curiosity inside me even bigger. I will admit, too, that I was spoiled to have all of season one all together and could watch 4 or 5 at a time (although it usually meant we stayed up until 2 or 3 in the morning to watch them). Oh well, now I'm just really excited about next week!!

Lost

2008-01-31T16:13:00.000-08:00

Tonight's the night. :)

I rarely watch TV and even more rarely do I get excited about it. I am.

Season premiere is tonight. 7pm - ABC. Be there or be square.

oh yeah...

2007-12-20T21:17:00.001-08:00

Am I the last to know that 16 year old Jamie-Lynn Spears (yes, Brit's little sis) is pregnant?

No warm fuzzies yet

2007-12-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

I have enjoyed reading about all the wonderful things that people do at Christmas or what they love about the holiday. I'm not there yet. Sad, I know. But for once, I need to use this thing to gripe a little. Bear with me.

White chocolate doesn't melt like dark/ milk chocolate.

I really don't have a knack for the kitchen other than to clean it.

I wish auto mechanics would always be honest and not try to weasel hundreds of dollars out of you before they even know if something is wrong.

I didn't get a gift in time to give to our kindergarten teacher so we're going to do a "Welcome Back" gift instead for the New Year and going back to school.

I'm ready to sleep late but that won't happen until Dec 31.

Gabby is such a great dog and the poor girl never gets any attention from us. She loves us anyway. Forgives anyway. Doesn't mind waiting all hours of the day to get a simple morsel of love. Crazy what you can see about the love of Christ through a dog.

It's sad that I'm more glad that tomorrow is Friday than I am it's my last day at work for 10 days. :(

My back hurts!

Ok friends, thanks for letting me gripe a little. I hope I didn't damper your Christmas moods any. I'll be happier next time around.

Do you hear what I hear?

2007-12-04T19:13:00.001-08:00

The ticking of the clock in the kitchen.

The hum of the refrigerator.

The sound of the cars going by on the street outside.

Someone's bass from music turned up way too loud. (That's an annoying one but I still hear it!)

The clicking of the keyboard as I type.

It's SO quiet in my house right now. It's normally not like this. There's no talking. No TV. No laundry going (even if it needs to be). No dishwasher running. Nothing. Pure silence. It's wonderful. I've forgotten what it sounds like! I must be dreaming. Must be.... Accomplishments for the day:
1) I got up on time and I actually felt rested
2) Everyone got to school/work on time and I even remembered the gingerbread house Hope was supposed to bring to school (**now I hear the heater running. sorry. Please bear with me. The silence is making me feel like a kid again.)
3) Got all my "to do" list done at work
4) Picked up Hope 10 minutes earlier than normal
5) Sat down to dinner by 6:30 (MAJOR accomplishment in the past 4 weeks)
6) No arguments about what food someone was or was not going to eat
7) successful bathtime
8) everyone was in bed on time.
The Lord must be pleased with my ability to handle life today because He gave me silence tonight. For those of you that may not know me very well, I am very much an introvert. I love my family and friends but I can only have so much of them before I break. I have to have "me time" just to re-energize. However, "me time" is few and far between most of the time. But tonight...I've got it. :) Oh...it makes me so happy.

2007-11-21T19:49:00.000-08:00

Hi friends,
I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I pray that your day is filled with grace, peace and joy as you celebrate the blessings the Lord has given us. I'm so grateful that we live in a nation that has a day set aside simply for thankfulness. Must be a pretty important thing for us to look at ourselves and be grateful! It's humbling to think that there are many in the world that have far less than we do and still are so very grateful for what they have.

I'm very thankful for you!

I love grocery shopping

2007-11-12T20:30:00.000-08:00

6 months ago, I would NOT have said those words. I liked grocery shopping in the sense that I could (most of the time) have a little "time to myself" because I go shopping around 9:30 at night. But I didn't like going because every time I went I knew it was a $100+ trip. And as much as I like Wal-mart because I can get it all in one place and for super cheap, I was growing to not like going as much. I have joked repeatedly that I can't get out of Wal-mart for less than $30. I mean, I would go because we were out of milk and bread and I would come home having spent $37. Our food "budget" (there's not really one...that really means "spending") has been nuts lately. So, with the onset of J's grocery game, I decided to implement the "cash only" system for food in our house. I know I've talked about the game before and I really don't mean to ramble on and on about it but every time I go to the store, I'm amazed. I just got back from Publix (yes, the time is 10:39p) and I spent $63 and I saved $32. Hello?! Who wouldn't enjoy going to the store for that? I got to go by myself. I'm saving oodles of money. I'm actually using the coupons that I've clipped for years and never used. AND, I didn't have to visit Wal-Mart. I'm catching on. :) Do I think we'll make it through the first month on our new system without going over budget? No. Don't laugh, I'm being realistic. I did shoot for the ideal and I know it will take a couple of months to get there. I feel good for now though. We're not going to run out of food anytime soon and, so far, there's still money left in a ziploc bag labeled "Food".

Inside the Village

2007-11-08T20:27:00.000-08:00

I have had some good laughs lately about marriage, parenting, ideals vs. reality, etc. Someone once described to me that being pregnant and actually having a child was sort of like being engaged and then being married. So much that you think will happen or how things will be and then you get there and while some things are the same, there is so much that's different and you don't really have too much time to sit and figure it out. You have to just figure it out as you go. I certainly hope that I'm not coming across as pessimistic - just realistic. That's how it happens.

Has anyone watched "A Baby Story" lately? I remember being pregnant with my first and watching it religiously. I wanted to know everyone's story so that I would sort-of be prepared for anything that could happen. I wanted to know it all. Then, of course, there's all the hormonal moments of sappyness that happen and all you can do as a pregnant soon-to-be-mommy is cry at how wonderful their life is and how lucky their baby is to have such stable and amazing parents. I haven't watched it since I had Hope. However, as I sat home with a stomach flu baby last week, I watched part of one of them again. It was very entertaining. She was having twin girls. They had used fertility to get pregnant. (I say that because of the intense emotions that culminates as your ideals that, for so long went unreached, are finally coming to be.) I shake my head just thinking about it. "Oh sweetie, it's just going to be perfect." "Oh honey, when do you think they will get their first puppy?" "Sweetie...sweetie...it's their first time to be outside!" (that was said as she was wheeled out of the hospital and they loaded into the car.) "Look girls! there's the park we'll play at in a few months." Every moment was narrated for the twins as they rode through town and arrived at their new home. I'm totally not trying to make fun or anything like that. I giggle because I laugh at myself. I don't know that I went to that extreme in my new mommy-ness (or maybe it's just not documented on national television). I like to think I was a little more realistic.

Then I was officially a mom of this living, breathing, beautiful, amazing little person. It's been such an unbelievable experience of cycle-breaking (that's another blog) and I wouldn't trade it for the world. As I prepared for this new phase of my life, a friend gave me a simple piece of advice that revolutionized my thinking. "Just remember, this is your family and your child. You'll get lots of advice and stories but you just need to do what's right for your child and your family." We've all heard it...every child is different. That rings true. I feel like I did a pretty good job of not thinking twice about it when I saw something else in another person's parenting techniques that I wouldn't necessarily do. I read Babywise but I was not about to beat someone over the head with it as if they wouldn't survive without it. It has some good principles (thought I did not follow all of them...just the ones I liked the best.) :) But it was a great companion for my first-born. She thrived (and still does) on routine. Two and a half years of "perfect" parenting. Then I had baby #2.

My son couldn't have been more different from my daughter. Reflux, lactose intolerance, bad sleeper, anti-routine, seems to always be sick...I could go on and on. Post-partum compounded all of this for me to make one heck of a year following his arrival. The battle in my mind many times wondered if he really was even meant to be in our lives and had to remind myself that the Lord does not make mistakes and knew exactly what He was doing. I don't really have a hard time trusting the sovereignty of God and was quite at peace reminding myself of that. Having Jack has taught me even more about different types of parenting. Things I swore I would never have done with Hope, I do with Jack and vice versa. Some kids thrive on some things, other kids thrive on others. It's my job to help them find their niche. He has been so opposite of her on so many things...even down to their eating habits. She's a terrible eater - he's a great one. He eats the pig and she eats the blanket. That's what family is all about, right?

I'm not really sure how to articulate my point in all of this. I really appreciate learning about the ways everyone helps their kids find their niche. Please keep sharing. It's much more fun to do this together anyway. After all, it takes a village to raise a child, right?

My girl...

2007-11-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

She gets cuter everyday.

My little cowboy...

2007-11-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

"mommy..mommy!! I cowboy!!"

Blogger's Block?

2007-10-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

Is that what you call this? No so much that there's nothing to write about. Life is happening everyday - there's plenty worth remembering. It's deciding WHAT to write about. I must have a million and one things flowing through my head at any given moment but I can't stop on one long enough to formulate anything.

Your prayers have been working. I have found myself able to submit to the Holy Spirit's prompting easier over the last couple of weeks. I have even only had a few moments that I really wanted to cross the line - but didn't. I have had to remind myself that even Christ got angry so that's not the sin. The sin is what I'm getting angry over and how I'm delivering my anger. If I think about the way that I pray Hope will one day handle herself and her emotions, it helps me to respond to her. It's a moment-by-moment choice to not get on the roller coaster with her. I keep reminding myself that I'm just trying to coach her so she knows how to get off. That's funny that I say that b/c it just occurred to me that sometimes people like roller coasters. There's a thrill in it. That's scary! I hope she doesn't find enjoyment in her inability to handle life sometimes. If she does, I really do have my work cut out for me. :) Thanks for remembering us.

I'm inspired by the determination that some of you have in "decluttering" your lives. One day I will follow your lead. Today, I will just keep reading about you. :)

Random things I have thought about over the past week:
1. The grocery game that J talked about works! If you've not tried it yet, I recommend doing so. It can't hurt for a month...it's only $1 to try it out.
2. I was warned today that there is a not so great kids movie about to come out. Read about The Golden Compass here.
3. When I have a couple of days off work (not the weekend - real days off), I am so much more relaxed! Hubby made fun of me this weekend because I let the kids do things that I would never let them do. It's funny that you don't realize how stress affects you even when you don't think you're under stress.

I'm glad it's finally cold. Fall is such a fantastic time of year. Specifically, October is my favorite. It's the whole reason that I stayed in Birmingham so many years ago.
October 1997 - the first time in my life I ever saw leaves change color on the trees. I'll never forget it. Growing up in Louisiana, your colors are green and brown. It's a pine tree or it's dead. Not much in between. October 1998- Got married! October (every year) - It's this month that, normally, we hit our first days of cold(er). Again, in LA, it was summer Feb-Nov and then what could sort of be called Fall or Spring. Not much in between. I love the cold. I love bundling in my favorite sweatpants (that I got for $1 at a garage sale!) and drinking hot tea. Mmmmm! Fond memories to remember and still to come...

A Stab at Transparency

2007-10-13T09:05:00.001-07:00

Hope is at my in-law's house for the 5 day school holiday. That makes for a VERY quiet house. I would say that easily 2/3 of the words in our house are said by one person. Can you guess who it might be? Let's see...it's not me or Ryan. It's so hard to have a conversation when the kids are around that when they aren't around, we almost don't know what to say to each other. It's not Jack, although he definitely has been contributing his fare share to the word count lately. I said to Ryan this past week, "You can definitely tell that Hope is his big sister." He's talking more and more (and louder and LOUDER) everyday. I guess he's making sure that we know he's still there. :) That only leaves one person.....Hope. Yes, she talks a lot!

Our 9 year anniversary was this past Wednesday. We went out last night to celebrate and ended up at the Summit. Cheesecake Factory was very yummy. I've never been there before. I would like to go again, but not on a Friday night. Even at 8pm it was very crowded and difficult to have a conversation with the person across the table b/c we could hardly hear each other over all the noise. I guess it was just like being at home.... :) Anyway, lunch one day....just cheesecake one day....that might be a better experience. It was nice to get away with my sweet man, though. We really don't get to do that often at all. Some of that is our own fault and some of it we can't help. Hopefully that will change soon but for now, we'll just enjoy staring and winking at each other from across any table the Lord gives us.

I'm so grateful for those of you who are able to be transparent. I have a difficult time doing that. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I think too much and when it all comes out, I want it to be the final product. The problem is, I analyze too much in the process. It goes along with the whole dreamer thing I did several days ago. I'm too practical for my own good sometimes.

Here's my stab at transparency....

About three weeks ago, we had what might have been the worst night ever in our house. I won't go into detail but we can sum it up in saying that I felt like the worst mother EVER that night and vowed that things were changing from here on out. It was the night that I saw the culmination of 5 years of influence on my daughter. It was hard to see it all coming out in her. I have tried so hard to love her and teach her good vs. bad all along hoping that she would forget the times that I failed miserably. Unfortunately, the sponge absorbed it all. You always hope that your child will get the best of you so that the worst of you won't live on. I have passed on some bad habits to my poor daughter and I have beat myself up over it so many times. No more. More than ever before, it's now time to break the cycle. In order to do that, I need a lot of prayer from you guys. I know the Lord will give me strength. I know He will provide discernment. I know He will allow me to test my patience. Here's what I need to know: How can I really be the best mother for her? I know that seems like a simple question but I mean it in it's deepest sense. It's not an arbitrary question. It's very real. I'm really asking the Lord, "Please, show me what that means." I've been so encouraged by Him the last couple of weeks because He has shown me so much. His Spirit has been there in the thick of the moment (well, it's been there the whole time but somehow, I'm sensing it more). I have watched myself react in ways that are not "normal" for me (that's a good thing). I know he's answering my prayer. Please, continue to pray for me in this. I want and need to know more. I'm telling you this because I need prayer and I need the accountability. Thanks.

Bark in the Park

2007-10-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not usually one to go to any kind of city-wide event that Alabaster does. Not sure why, they just normally don't interest me. However, the Shelby County Humane Society and the City of Alabaster teamed up to do Bark in the Park as a fundraiser (for SCHS). I thought it would be a good idea to take Gabby and introduce her to other dogs since she's really never spent a lot of time around them. She had a great time at the park. she wasn't so sure about so many other dogs in one place. She was ok with the first few and then she got kind of upset with the rest! She's normally so gentle, I guess it was a little too much for one day!

We had a great time anyway! A friend of Hope's from preschool is spending the day with us and we had a great time. Everything was free and everyone was so nice. I'm glad we went. Here's some pics of our trip....

I know, I know...it was just a dream

2007-10-02T06:24:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I admit that the NYC trip was totally a dream. I read and article in the paper on Sunday that was talking about a shopping event in NYC complete with designer clothes for 70% off (it's a fundraiser) that would make the perfect girl's getaway weekend. Now, I'll be honest...I hate shopping. I could care less about designer labels. Give me a Target and a TJ Maxx (thank you Alabaster) and I'm a happy girl. But the idea of getting away with a bunch of girls for more than just dinner was such a nice thought! It would take some time to save up the money to make it happen. (Not to mention the time it would take to butter up my husband enough to convince him to let me go without him!) Also, most of you know me well enough to know that I'm very much a practical/ realist kind of person. I NEVER daydream about this kind of stuff. Ryan gets on to me all the time because when he wants to brainstorm, he wants me to do it with no limits attached and then whittle from there. That's really hard!

So there you were for my moment of dreaming without limits. Thanks for enjoying it with me! Maybe we can all get together and go to dinner somewhere very soon. I would love a couple of hours of girl time even if I can't have the whole weekend!

:)

Wild thought...

2007-09-30T11:25:00.001-07:00

All right, ladies....who's up for a girl's getaway weekend in NYC? Anyone?

:)

Thankful for today...

2007-09-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

1 - The opportunity this morning to pray for a very dear friend and her family that are going through an unimaginable time. It was an unexpected 7-8 minute break from my normal get-out-the-door morning and I was so grateful for it.

2- Somebody bought Krispy Kreme for the office this morning.

3- (You're going to go, "oh.....ok...Tanya".....) The fact a new retirement plan (it's the 3rd one) that I'll be administering was such a breeze to talk through today. Who knew that anything run by the SBC could actually be simple. (In case you don't know, I am all-things HR for 4 companies. It's not quite as daunting as it sounds but the 3rd company is growing and changing right now.)

4- Jack walked around after dinner tonight with a t-shirt (stained with pasta), an adult-sized black cap, Hope's hot-pink, sparkly sunglasses and Hope's pink with purple polka dots slippers. Then he asked for "Princess Stories" (Disney's movie). It was not one of Ryan's prouder moments....:)

5- On our way home from work/school, Jack said "Mommy, I go home". I said "Jack, we're going to dinner!" He responded with "(gasp)...Mommy! I love dinner!"

6- Sol Azteca chips and salsa

Whew!!

2007-09-14T17:43:00.001-07:00

It's been a couple of weeks at work! September 1st is a big day around our office. The start of our fiscal/ministry year...new employees...people leaving. There's a LOT to do. The last week of August I was busy getting ready for Sept 1 (that really fell on Sept 4 for us). Then, the 5th-8th, I was out of town for work. I got home at 9:30p Friday night and found out we had family coming first thing the next morning and they didnt' leave until Sunday at 6pm. (It was a great visit - don't get my wrong - I was just VERY tired and still had 6 loads of laundry to do.) This week was spent processing all those new employees and doing payroll. We did a organizational restructure in May and it finally came time to re-categorize everything in payroll. Whew. It took 4 days to get it all straight. I was so releived to see those paychecks show up on my desk yesterday afternoon. That meant that payroll was DONE. Yes!! Today was sorting through all the pieces of paper that landed on my desk this week that I couldn't pay attention to because of payroll. I'm tired and I want to sleep.

So, a big announcement was made today. My boss is adopting again. I'm unbelievably excited for them. I was so speechless when I found out. After talking with her, I was trying to pray about it and I was just speechless and almost found myself in tears as I was filled with such joy for them.

I realize that I need to keep the bigger picture in mind with him. The last several months have been difficult for him as he's had a lot on his plate. There's several things that he's not shared and several things he has. Some large pieces of the puzzle came together for me when I heard the news I just shared with you. There have been some distinctive moments over the last couple of months that I just sensed something was different (but certainly didn't think that it would result in more children)!! He was patient with me as I struggled after J's birth a couple of years ago. I really had a hard time with post-partum and only told 3-4 people. I told him so that he would know but certainly didn't divulge the day-to-day with him. I appreciated the space he gave me even if I seemed to resent it at times. I feel like the tables have been turned this past year. He's had a lot going on and I knew some things but, like me, he didn't divulge the day-to-day. I don't blame him. He's had a lot and then at the same time felt like he couldn't do anything at times. There was nothing to talk about. Things are slowly changing for the better and I'm excited about that. I regret that I didn't try to be more understanding. It's always easy to see things in hindsight but I usually try to keep a more objective view of things in any situation. Hopefully, I'll remember this and do better next time.

P.S. I might have the cutest little boy ever crawling all over me right now. Getting comfortable, laying his head on my shoulder, "hi, mommy. hi, mommy. hey, mommy." As if to say, "mommy, i'm so glad to see you." Can I just share with you something simple that makes my heart just melt EVERY time it happens? When one of my kids walks up to me and says "mommy, can I sit on your lap?" or "mommy, I sit you?" Oh! It gets me every time.

2007-09-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

R - ready to serve. I long to do more works of service and am frustrated that I can't do them - for whatever reason.

E - enjoying my family. J cracks me up. H is at such a fun age (even if she is a little dramatic.) And my husband is an amazing husband and father. He knows even the little things about me - like, don't put my french bread in the bowl with my salad because it might get salad dressing on it.

N - nine years. I've almost been married nine years. Amazing. Not that I made it this far or anything, just that it's been that long!

E - easy to please. What you see is what you get. I know that I can turn into high-maintenance-girl sometimes (who doesn't) but overall, it doesn't take much to make me smile.

Rules: Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had. When you are tagged, you need to write your own blog post containing your own middle name game facts. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged & to read your blog!

Discoveries of the day

2007-08-30T19:13:00.001-07:00

1. I just realized that a couple of people have discovered me.

2. It cracks me up that you all know the glue thing. I still can't believe I did it. It hurt!

So...everyone else is doing it...

2007-08-30T18:52:00.000-07:00

1. What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? Zest (fully clean)
2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? No
3. Is there anything moldy in your refrigerator? Maybe
4. Are there any dirty dishes in your sink? No, I hate dirty dishes in the sink. They're all piled on the counter.
5. What would you change about your living room? My couch
6. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? dirty
7. Do you have a can of mushrooms in your pantry? Yes
8. White or wheat bread? 100% whole wheat
9. What is on top of your refrigerator? Dust, dog food, an almost empty bottle of caffeine free diet coke, the lids to all my pots and pans
10. What color is your sofa? pale blue
11. What color or design is on your shower curtain? white with some kind of tan embroidery on it
12. How many plants are in your home? none that are real
13. How many candles are in your home? 7-8
14. Is your bed made right now? Yes
15. If you have a coffee pot, what color is it? White
16. Electric or standard can opener? standard
17. Theme in your living room? I love the rustic look but I can't say that's what's in there. My entertainment center is the piece I love. I can't afford the other stuff to build around it right now!
18. Colors in the bedroom? tan & red
19. Colors of your bathroom? mine- light blue, brown, tan kids- royal blue & yellow
20. Comet or Soft Scrub? comet
21. Is your closet organized? my side...yes (only because i just organized it last weekend)
22. What color is the flashlight that you use the most? red
23. What kinds of things are in your junk drawer? which one?
24. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? plastic
25. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? Nope
26. If you have a garage, is it cluttered? No...it has lots of stuff in it but it doesn't look cluttered
27. Curtains or blinds? blinds
28. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2
29. Do you sleep with any lights on at night? Yes
30. How many ceiling fans are in your home? 6 (my husband LOVES fans)
31. How often do you vacuum? whenever someone is coming over
32. Standard toothbrush or electric? standard
33. What color is your toothbrush? green and white
34. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? yes (but it doesn't say "Welcome", does that count?)
35. What is in your oven right now? oven racks
36. Is your microwave clean or dirty? clean
37. Is there anything under your bed? oh yes
38. Chore you hate doing the most? cleaning my shower
39. What retro items are in your home? nothing comes to mind other than some 80's music
40. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Not really. The desk area is in the basement
41. If you have a yard, who mows it? either me or my husband
42. Is there anything on your kitchen floor right now? the rug by my sink
43. How many mirrors are in your home? 7
44. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? No. It was used for "emergencies". :)
45. What color are your walls? "Toasted Almond" for the most part. The kids' rooms are sage and medium blue
46. Which rooms in your house have wallpaper? i have grass paper in my dining room
47. Do you have a peephole in your front door? I have a window
48. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? under lock and key (I don't count my dog. She thinks everyone is her new best friend.)
49. What does your home smell like right now? fresh laundry
50. Fave candle scent? vanilla/cinnamon (fall scents)
51. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? kosher dill
52. What color is your Bible? light blue, tan, brown
53. Do you have plenty of cabinet space in your kitchen? definitely not
54. Do you own a stereo? yes
55. How many tvs do you have? three
56. How many house phones? Two
57. Do you have a housekeeper? I wish
58. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? Solids
59. Is there a smoke detector in your home? Yes, 2...and I need to replace the batteries
60. In case of fire, what are the items you would grab if you only could make one quick trip? besides my kids? a box of discs that has all our digital pics and my camera
61. Do you know how to work your electrical box? No, that's a boy job
62. What temperature in your home is most comfortable to you? Comfortable for ME and comfortable for my husband are two very different things. His discription of my "comfortable" 73-74 is "Africa Hot". His "comfortable" 65 puts me in long sleeves and sweat pants most of the time. Generally, it stays around 71 in the summer and 68 in the winter. (Not much difference, I know.)

I can't believe I actually did that. It was so long!

This is very random...

2007-08-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

Did anyone besides me ever spread glue out of the back of your hand when you were little? You know, so you could let it dry and then see if you could peel it all off in one piece? Yep. I did all the time. And my mom would always get so annoyed with me when I did it.

I did it again this afternoon. Hope and I were making pictures with construction paper, scissors, glue and markers. On a whim, I spread some glue on the back of my hand. Not really sure why. I laughed at myself while I did it. Then it came time to peel it off....OUCH. Why did I ever think that was fun???!!! It hurts!!

Lesson for the day...I'm not invincible anymore.

I WANT OUR CHURCH TO DO THIS!!!!

2007-08-22T20:03:00.000-07:00

Sorry...i can't figure out how to not link. I just cut and pasted this from another blog that I enjoy. I guess I just have this dream about food collection and the provision that it can have in the community around us. This is a church in South Carolina where the blogger lives.

A church called NewSpring which is a church that is growing my leaps and bounds in Anderson has had their Sunday services available on podcast and video. I've really enjoyed the current series they are in and am learning a lot about why in the middle of no where - literally, a church is thriving and running about 8000-11000 people each Sunday. The pastor there is a guy named Perry Noble and he is an excellent communicator but the thing I am enjoying most about him is that he is an activator who has passion and vision and has a real heart for his community. For instance he was reading the paper last week and there was an article about how some of the food pantry's in Anderson County were running bare. So in one week Perry mentioned it to the church and told them to come next week with food and that they were going to have trucks waiting. And this is what happened......

We completely filled up 4 organization’s food pantry’s…Salvation Army, Soup Kitchen, Haven of Rest, and Anderson Interfaith Ministries.

We filled a storage room at the Salvation Army waist high with food.

When we got to the Soup Kitchen, their pantry was completely bare, and when we left an hour later, it was overflowing.

We unloaded 1 – 7’x 24’ moving truck and 3 - 6’x12’ trailers and Paul Marshall’s pick up truck that were all completely full of food.

It took 11 guys 5 hours to unload everything.

2 trailers were so full that we could not move them last night and the base of the trailer jack of one of them was buried in the asphalt (b/c of the weight of the food in the trailer.).

We can do this! I know it!

Day 7...

2007-08-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

I want to quit today. It's so close to the end though! I need to stick it out. We're not even talking 24 hours left! Surely....I can make it. I really don't want to be drinking this flax seed smoothie anymore though. Wanna know what I want to down more than anything? yes, Fudge Striped cookies! I never eat them but this week I REALLY want some.

Day 6

2007-08-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Here I am...day 6 of the detox. I feel pretty good for the most part. I get hungry easily still. I do find myself getting irritable over the fact that I can't have certain foods yet. Tells you where my thoughts are. I didn't mind it so much at work this week. It actually made for a great work week because I was able to focus so much attention on getting things done and not letting myself get distracted by all the normal things that distract me. Today was different though because I had to bring Jack home around 11:30a and so I was surrounded by the things that I wanted to eat the most! I guess I didn't realize what a mental stronghold that food has on me. It definitely something that I've recognized in the past as something I go to for comfort but, wow, my thoughts are consumed....

I had a gratitude journal years ago. I would write down 5 or more things everyday. It was something I did my first year of Student Life camp as a staff to help me find the good in the most difficult of days. I noticed a friend of mine has recently done something similar. Inspiring. Here are my 5 things from today:

1. Fish with lots of lemon juice, rosemary and basil. Yummy!

2. Taking the kids to the library to each pick out a movie and a few books.

3. Coming home and cuddling on the couch during the movie and then reading 5 out of the 8 books we brought home.

4. Getting out the door this morning on time for school. No one got in trouble (including me) and we were all in a great mood.

5. THE RAIN. I know the earth needed it but there is just something about listening to a really good rain pound down on the roof that does something good for my soul. It also makes me think of the Mercy Me song "Bring the Rain". Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain. (I don't feel like I can completely identify with this song because it seems he's been through so much worse than I. However, I sing this because I should be willing to do whatever it takes to praise Him.)

Detox...

2007-08-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

I've been detoxing this week. "Fasting", cleansing....there are a number of things it could be called. I don't really consider it fasting but what i'm doing resembles the Daniel Fast so I guess you can call it that... Regardless, it's been a challenge. I 've never done anything so disciplined before. That's one of the main reasons I'm doing it. I really want to see myself get through these 7 days. I'll be pretty impressed with myself when I do. You have no idea how much I've wanted to down a package of Fudge Striped cookies lately. And the ice cream man randomly came to our office yesterday. AND someone brought Shipley donuts this morning. AND it was someone's birthday and there was chocolate cake. I mean, FOR REAL!!! All this happened this week. I started this thing on Sunday and, I tell you, the Lord is helping me test myself and see how much willpower I have. I've often said that I have none but, you know, I'm kind of tired of that. It's a lame excuse. The REAL test came today as I opened a drawer in my desk and found a big chocolate chip cookie. Oh yes, no one would have known but me and the Father. I'm proud to say, it's still sitting in my drawer and I DID NOT eat it. So proud of myself.

I'm on day 4. The first 3 days were fine. I was hungry but not starving. I followed the detox plan that I had to satisfy my cravings and then I was good. I found that interesting. Not normal for me. 2 cups of steamed veggies and a 1/2 cup of brown rice for lunch? Not much there to fill you up. Interesting. Today was the day that I didn't feel so great. Tired. I felt like I was trying to catch my breath today. You know, the way you feel when you carry your 5 year old up the stairs and your dying at the top. You realize how out of shape you are. I felt that way all day. Strange that it would happen today and not the first two days. I'm curious to see if tomorrow will be different.

Off to the store to find more organic fruit.

The first day of school

2007-08-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Today was it...the first day of kindergarten. I can't believe how old and grown up she is already. Hope turned 5 years old on June 25 and it just doesn't seem that long ago. I understand now why my parents always said that they couldn't believe it and how time flies. Here I am saying the very same thing. Here's some pics from today. She did so great. No tears. She was SO EXCITED about it this morning. We had a special "kindergarten breakfast" of cinnamon rolls and Ryan and I both got to take her to school and walk her in. We hung around her classroom for a few minutes (which I'm sure her teacher just loved...all us parents, just standing there) and then I got to leave early from work and pick her up in the car pool line. For dinner tonight, we had a special "kindergarten dinner" of chocolate chip pancakes and chocolate milk, Hope's choice - of course. :) Anything for the girl. She had a great day and I wanted her to know how special it was.

One VERY special surprise from today. We, of course, didn't know anyone in her class. We know virtually no one in Alabaster, as our lives have revolved around Helena Elementary the last couple of years. (Hope's been in the ECLIPSE program there for the last 2 years - same incredible teacher, same favorite friends.) So we walk up to the classroom today only to discover that her friend Baylee from HES ECLPISE is in her class!!!!!!!! Hope was thrilled! Baylee was one of her favorite friends to play with over the last 2 years. Come to find out later this evening that Hope's old teacher (amazing woman) pulled some strings and got them both in the same class at Creekview! It was a very special surprise!

Smiling Moments from my week

2007-08-05T21:31:00.000-07:00

We went to my parent's house in Louisiana for several days and went out on their boat a couple of times. We caught fish like we did when I was a kid and brought 'em home, fried 'em up and feasted. It was great!

We also celebrated Jack's 2nd birthday. It feels like it's been 4 years but it's only been two. He's such a fun little boy. He's REALLY into Toy Story right now (which is funny because we really don't watch a whole lot of TV in our house). So for his birthday, one set of grandparents got him Buzz Lightyear and the other got him Woody. He's not let them go all week. Smiling moments that have come from it?

1. Buzz Lightyear is really pronounced "Boo Wire".
2. Woody is really pronounced "Boody".
3. Jack often says "Mommy, say beyond", which means that I'm supposed to say "To infinity..." and he will respond with "and beyyyoooonnnndddd!!!" while he thrusts Boo up in the air as if he's flying away.
4. I've heard Boody, more than once, tell Boo "YOU...A.. TOY!"
5. I can't count on both hands the number of times Jack has said to me "Mommy, I watch Toy Story now?" or the number of times that I've said "No".
6. The look on his face when he got his Boody or Boo Wire. Priceless. I wish I could've had the video camera going the whole time.

Still not wanting to go back to work or get back to normal life but I feel better thinking about greater things.

Stressed?

2007-08-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

You would think after a week off of work that I would not feel stressed today. But I do. I'm going back to work tomorrow. Ryan is going back to work tomorrow. And Hope is starting Kindergarten this week. Yes, I'm feeling stressed. I don't want to go back to normal life. Most people don't after a week off from work. I could list all the factors that have gone into making me anxious inside but I have a hard time with that. I'm an internal processor.

So as I process that, let's remember some of the happier moments of the week.

We went to my parent's house in Louisiana for several days and went out on their boat a couple of times. We caught fish like we did when I was a kid and brought 'em home, fried 'em up and feasted. It was great!

We also celebrated Jack's 2nd birthday. It feels like it's been 4 years but it's only been two. He's such a fun little boy. He's REALLY into Toy Story right now (which is funny because we really don't watch a whole lot of TV in our house). So for his birthday, one set of grandparents got him Buzz Lightyear and the other got him Woody. He's not let them go all week. Smiling moments that have come from it?
1. Buzz Lightyear is really pronounced "Boo Wire".
2. Woody is really pronounced "Boody".
3. Jack often says "Mommy, say beyond", which means that I'm supposed to say "To infinity..." and he will respond with "and beyyyoooonnnndddd!!!" while he thrusts Boo up in the air as if he's flying away.
4. I've heard Boody, more than once, tell Boo "YOU...A.. TOY!"
5. I can't count on both hands the number of times Jack has said to me "Mommy, I watch Toy Story now?" or the number of times that I've said "No".
6. The look on his face when he got his Boody or Boo Wire. Priceless. I wish I could've had the video camera going the whole time.

Ok, I'm feeling a little better now. Still not wanting to go back to work or get back to normal life but I'm feeling better thinking about greater things.

Picking Strawberries

2007-05-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

Ever since a month before I had Hope, I've wanted to go pick fresh fruit somewhere. I don't know if it was a desire I've always had and found out that you could really do or something I cooked up while I was pregnant (you know how that is). I was bent on picking apples from a real apple tree. It didn't happen. I was too pregnant and then I was too late. Every year, I've missed it. Just barely but I've missed it.

Not today!!! I heard about several friends going this week and thought "I am not missing that this year. We'll have to go soon." Well, this morning, some others were talking about how fun it was and I decided I wanted to go today. Not plan for tomorrow but go TODAY. I came home, proposed the idea to Ryan and an hour later, we were on our way to Clanton with two crabby kids to pick strawberries. It was so much fun!!! The kids fell asleep on the way there so they perked up a little. I didn't care that it was the worst part of the day to go - 12:30. It was blazing hot and I spent half the time in a port-a-potty with Hope (lovely) but I loved every moment of it. We'll be the healthiest eaters ever for the next two weeks. (I got an amazing basket of fruits and veggies from my new co-op this morning so we're SET.) Blueberries, apples and blackberries - I'm ready to pick them too!!

Family Update

2007-04-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

It's really been busy for me at work lately. We're in the process of putting some new (and MUCH better) systems in place in the areas where I work. It's really good and very challenging to think through the process but it takes so long to break it down, research, nail it down and implement it. We're still in the first two stages of this but it's all to be completed by mid-May so my work is cut out for me!!

Ryan is good. He's off to DC & NYC next week for an 8 day professional development workshop. The county he works in got a federal grant to help American History teachers "enhance" their teaching of the subject. It's definitely had its ups and downs along the way. This trip has its ups and downs with it, too. It'll be good for him to go. He's never been to DC or NYC before. I hate that I'm not going with him on his first time around but, oh well, it's free for him!!

Hope and Jack are just growing and going a mile a minute. Every time I look at Hope, she looks older. 4 going on 14 for sure. She's kind of getting into the bossy stage. Not fun. At the same time, there's so much we can do together now with her since she's at an age that she's starting to "get it". That's very fun. Jack is talking up a storm and will not be shown up by his big sis. He also is determined that he's not going to be the little brother around our house. He wants to do everything for himself. He eats/does/etc what we do. He won't color with crayons b/c he knows there's markers and those are much more "big boy" than baby crayons! Whatever. :) It's funny sometimes but he's actually kind of a drama boy so there are plenty of times that it's not funny!

AI Observations

2007-03-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Bless his heart...Sanjaya needs to go home. He's trying so hard. I'll give him that. But he needs to go home.

I have just fallen for Jordan. Such a sweet girl and a wonderful voice. Did a FANTASTIC job last night.

Melinda Doolittle doesn't belong on AI b/c she belongs on the radio. Paula said it right...she's in her own league. I want her to win only b/c I want her to go somewhere with her gift. I don't want her to win b/c, let's be honest, we all know she'll go somewhere with or without an American Idol contract.

Lying in bed last night, I saw Elliot Yamin's CD on sale at KMart. He grew his hair out and it's curly. Looks better than the no-hair do he's had in the past.

That poor little girl, Ashley. So star struck!

I wasn't too impressed with everyone else. Great voices, I just wasn't impressed. Like Simon has said over the past couple of weeks...If I picture myself listening to the radio, would I keep listening and want to hear more or would I turn the channel? Great line to judge by.

Did anyone else notice that Simon completely DESPISED the "guy helper" (can't remember his name) this week. Oh my. I think it was all Simon could do to not say anything. Not a good moment for either one of them I think. Yikes.

The Smell of Spring

2007-03-13T21:36:00.000-07:00

Lately, Hope has been telling me how much she likes spring and can't wait for it to be here. "I just love spring." "Spring is my favorite." "I just love March 21." (the first day of Spring). Anyway, it's here Hope!!! No, March 21 isn't but yesterday, on the way home, I smelled it. For the first time, I smelled fresh cut grass! You know, the kind with just a little dampness to it. Oh, it was wonderful. I look forward to more of it!

I've been very inspired by my friends' blogs lately. I love hearing your thoughts. I know I don't respond frequently (or better yet, at all) but please know that I appreciate your putting them out there. I consider it a special look into your live that I don't often get b/c we're in different buildings or different cities or different cubicles. Thanks for living life with me!

Funny story and then I'll close....We drove to Louisiana this weekend and on the way, we were watching Cars. We had to pull off on some random exit to change Jack's diaper (which is a somewhat hilarious story for another time if you've got the stomach for it) and we first pulled into what was left of a Phillips 66 gas station. Hope saw the sign and said , "66! Are we in Radiator Springs?!" She was totally serious and I was so tickled! Love her mind.

My husband is brilliant

2007-02-02T21:38:00.000-08:00

I'm sure I've commented to some of you before how smart Ryan is. He continues to amaze me and I felt like I just needed to share it with you.

Last night we were talking about the different things that happened to us when we were younger that could have completely changed our course in life. Things that would have made us end up in a different town, different marriage, different career, etc. The thing that captured me at that moment the most was that if he were in one of those places (based on poor decisions) his mind would just be a waste and what a shame that would be because he truly is one of the smartest people that I know. (At the end of that, I also told him how grateful I was (and always am) that I was the one that got to marry him!)

So, that in mind, I got an email from him this morning. I am just in awe of his creative ability and his gift of teaching. I wish I had had a teacher like him in school. He's teaching kids who could care less about history and 1/2 of whom probably won't make it to graduation. I tell you what, though, if there is a teacher that they will remember, it's going to be him. Not because he was a great guy (although he is) but because he makes them see the world differently. He did a really cool test on Friday with pieces of historical art spread all through the hallway and his classroom. (I can tell you more about that some other time.) Now an idea he gets from a movie they're watching.

I just wanted to share.

"Ok, so after the test i start The Patriot. I never noticed how historically accurate some scenes are. Monday we'll picking the openiong scenes apart. I'll pause it and say, "Pick out 3 things from this screen that is taxed under the Townsend Acts" "Show me the Sons of Liberty" an effigy, etc. It may be hokey because I'm delaying a movie, but they will so understand this era!!"