Inside the Village

I have had some good laughs lately about marriage, parenting, ideals vs. reality, etc. Someone once described to me that being pregnant and actually having a child was sort of like being engaged and then being married. So much that you think will happen or how things will be and then you get there and while some things are the same, there is so much that's different and you don't really have too much time to sit and figure it out. You have to just figure it out as you go. I certainly hope that I'm not coming across as pessimistic - just realistic. That's how it happens.

Has anyone watched "A Baby Story" lately? I remember being pregnant with my first and watching it religiously. I wanted to know everyone's story so that I would sort-of be prepared for anything that could happen. I wanted to know it all. Then, of course, there's all the hormonal moments of sappyness that happen and all you can do as a pregnant soon-to-be-mommy is cry at how wonderful their life is and how lucky their baby is to have such stable and amazing parents. I haven't watched it since I had Hope. However, as I sat home with a stomach flu baby last week, I watched part of one of them again. It was very entertaining. She was having twin girls. They had used fertility to get pregnant. (I say that because of the intense emotions that culminates as your ideals that, for so long went unreached, are finally coming to be.) I shake my head just thinking about it. "Oh sweetie, it's just going to be perfect." "Oh honey, when do you think they will get their first puppy?" "Sweetie...sweetie...it's their first time to be outside!" (that was said as she was wheeled out of the hospital and they loaded into the car.) "Look girls! there's the park we'll play at in a few months." Every moment was narrated for the twins as they rode through town and arrived at their new home. I'm totally not trying to make fun or anything like that. I giggle because I laugh at myself. I don't know that I went to that extreme in my new mommy-ness (or maybe it's just not documented on national television). I like to think I was a little more realistic.

Then I was officially a mom of this living, breathing, beautiful, amazing little person. It's been such an unbelievable experience of cycle-breaking (that's another blog) and I wouldn't trade it for the world. As I prepared for this new phase of my life, a friend gave me a simple piece of advice that revolutionized my thinking. "Just remember, this is your family and your child. You'll get lots of advice and stories but you just need to do what's right for your child and your family." We've all heard it...every child is different. That rings true. I feel like I did a pretty good job of not thinking twice about it when I saw something else in another person's parenting techniques that I wouldn't necessarily do. I read Babywise but I was not about to beat someone over the head with it as if they wouldn't survive without it. It has some good principles (thought I did not follow all of them...just the ones I liked the best.) :) But it was a great companion for my first-born. She thrived (and still does) on routine. Two and a half years of "perfect" parenting. Then I had baby #2.

My son couldn't have been more different from my daughter. Reflux, lactose intolerance, bad sleeper, anti-routine, seems to always be sick...I could go on and on. Post-partum compounded all of this for me to make one heck of a year following his arrival. The battle in my mind many times wondered if he really was even meant to be in our lives and had to remind myself that the Lord does not make mistakes and knew exactly what He was doing. I don't really have a hard time trusting the sovereignty of God and was quite at peace reminding myself of that. Having Jack has taught me even more about different types of parenting. Things I swore I would never have done with Hope, I do with Jack and vice versa. Some kids thrive on some things, other kids thrive on others. It's my job to help them find their niche. He has been so opposite of her on so many things...even down to their eating habits. She's a terrible eater - he's a great one. He eats the pig and she eats the blanket. That's what family is all about, right?

I'm not really sure how to articulate my point in all of this. I really appreciate learning about the ways everyone helps their kids find their niche. Please keep sharing. It's much more fun to do this together anyway. After all, it takes a village to raise a child, right?